That's what I was thinking when I bought the stainless steel water bottle from Enviro Products. Something like this:
I then sauntered to the water cooler with my bottle and waited for my coworkers to praise me for being green.
They asked, "What'cha got in there? Russian vodka?"
You just can't win.
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I apologize for my three-day abscence and lack of hump-day singing. One of the kids got into bad trouble at school and I was too depressed to blog. Hopefully everyone involved will soon recover. Happy Halloween.
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CB and my mom both decided they had to see a live celebrity, so yesterday I drove them to a Republican rally. And there he was! Joe the plumber. I'm happy to tell you that in real life, he looks even more plumberer than on TV. I'm smitten. He still doesn't know how to use the mike, though, so whatever the hell he said remains a mystery. Oh yeah, that old, feisty dude was there too. What's his name again?
It was a strange and different experience. I will cherish it for the rest of my life. For you can't pay me enough to make me do this shit again.
Our doggy Sparky thinks he's CB's brother. So, while he comes to me for comfort, and to Mr. Goldie for table scraps, he comes to CB when he wants to play.
They were on the floor right now, playing, when I heard:
"Don't bite! Use your words."
But did the dog listen? Did he?? Nope. No words out of that stubborn dog.
By the way, why would anyone want to hump their own brother?! Dogs. Who can understand them?
This is the second school levy this year. I voted no on the first. Here's why.
Back in March, when the school sent out the list of cuts they would have to make if the levy didn't pass, they were all cuts to high school sports teams and cheerleading squad.
Much like Johnny Smith in the "Dead Zone", when I touched the school's poster, I got a glimpse of the future, and this is what I saw:
The levy passes.
Our taxes go up.
School invests all the money into jocks and cheerleaders.
It then suddenly realizes that there is still not enough cash for AP classes and school busing.
On November 4th, the school asks for more money on top of what it got in March.
Voters say, "Oh hell to the NO!"
We say good-bye to AP classes and school busing. Jocks and cheerleaders don't notice.
So, I voted no. So apparently did a few other people, because the levy failed. Hey, we were just being helpful.
This time is different. There's serious stuff on the line now. In the long run, this will determine our city's demography. Because, let's be serious, there's nothing spectacular about our city, other than our really good schools. The shabby houses, the traffic jams, the Walmart and the permanent construction just aren't that huge of a draw. Schools get worse, people are gonna leave.
My one son is in an AP class, and the other plans on taking them when he's old enough. If you live in our city, they're asking you to vote yes.
This is what I pass on my way to work every morning.
This is actually in an affluent neighborhood. There is a pricey prep school further on the block, and the house this is in front of is a kinda-mansion.
The picture is blurry, because I was in a hurry to drive out of there before I get my ass shot for tresspassing. I'll keep trying for a better one, because I'm such an adventurous little sucker. I got the other side just fine, though.
I've been updating my Graphomania. Can you guys check it out maybe? Especially you, Ajooja, and you, Paula. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. I have an awesome instructor and I am an awesome person myself, but an extra pair of eyes always helps, especially if it belongs to a professional. Thx in advance, you guys.
What happened so far is, I sent in a story. It got reviewed and commented on. I started ranting about the comments, and I am nowhere close to being done ranting. Come check it out. It might be more interesting than my boring real life, who knows?
PS. Wordpress kinda rocks. It has so many cool features, like built-in stats, better graphics, linky post titles, "more..." tags. I needed that. But Blogger makes it so much easier for you to screw with your own template, and I love it for that. So now I find myself in love with two men, my husband and my bestest friend two platforms, Wordpress and Blogger. What's a girl to do?!
Last night, CB and I were in Costco, passing by the children's book section, when we saw this:
My first reaction was to snap pictures of the book while laughing my ass off. Then I got home and started freaking out. I told Mr. Goldie and we continued to freak out together.
What are we in for? - we fretted. Is he trying to start a cult of himself? Are we about to make a terrible mistake and put a wrong person in the White House? Why the hell didn't I vote for Hillary?
I tossed and turned all night. First thing this morning, I went on Amazon to take another look and maybe leave a review. I was going to start something like: "WTF is this doing in the stores two fucking weeks before the election????"
But, once I got on Amazon, I made a disturbing disovery.
There is a line of business of illustrated, paperback political bios for children ages 4 and up.
I feel better now, though more confused than before. In fact, since this shit seems to pay off so well, I've come up with a few book ideas of my own:
"John, The Last Mavrickosaurus: An Aging Reptile That Could"
"Sarah, The Warrior Princess" - this sequel to "300" takes place in Alaska. A high-heeled, bespectacled woman kills a horde of evil Iranians with her bare hands and teeth.
"Joe The Plumber: From The Sewer To The Stars"
I'd think of more, but thinking about big politics for more than eight straight minutes makes me barf. So instead, why don't we look inside the "Barack" book. I have a Children's Bible at home and I had the hardest time telling these two books apart. Crazy, I'm telling you.
And, in closing - "this great man spoke in a beautiful voice while crowds admired his handsome face and his sexy bod..." I'm not making this up! Read on.
I have decided it is time for some of my writing-related crap to see the light. So, in just one short lunch break, I went over to Wordpress and created a new blog. It is called Graphomania (well, duh) and the address is http://goldiewrites.com/. I'm going to start by posting my writing class stuff, some of my instructor's comments, and my comments on her comments, and see where it takes me. So come on over! Tell a friend. Graphomania. Pretty soon I'm going to figure out how to burn a feed for that thing.
UPDATE: I was told today that the proper term for this canine behavior is "Velcro Dog", so I'm changing the title. This is soooo cute! "Velcro dog". Heh heh heh.
I'm baaack!
And I'm pooped.
And I am here to tell you that camping with a dog is not necessarily a bad idea, it just has its downsides.
On the plus side, Sparky was a huge success with both kids and adults. He was very well-behaved. He stayed healthy and he didn't roll in shit. He didn't try to run away and did not try any of the other bad doggy behaviors that I had been afraid he'd attempt. Heck, he didn't even bark. He let the kids play with him all they wanted. So those are the pros.
The cons, well there's really only one. Silly mutt refused to let me out of his sight for a second. He refused to go anywhere with anyone but me. When I went to the bathroom, he cried. I had to carry a leash in my hand everywhere I went. This gets old very quickly. I kept having flashbacks to the times when my kids were toddlers.
Granted, it looked kind of cute, little doggy attached to his mommy. But man, I am tired. Doggy is conked out, too. I'd snap his picture but it would require walking to get the camera, and I'm just not up to it.
As I was unpacking, someone called us on behalf of Obama. WTF? Is it finally starting? I was hoping it'd blow over, no calls, no visits. I said "Thxbye" and hung up.
Coming up next weekend, CB's birthday sleepover. Can you imagine six teen boys in the house overnight? That just may make me yearn for the peaceful days of camping with my dog.
Dialogue the other day. I was telling CB how my day had been, and somehow ended with this.
Me: ... and I said to him, well you know how sometimes a person tells you something, and inside you're saying to yourself: "Wow, what a load of bullshit", but on the outside you're all nodding and going, "Sure, I agree, this is so true!"
CB: Sure, Mom. I agree. This is so true! (nods.)
I raised them right, didn't I?
In other news, we're going camping for the weekend, so I will see you on Monday. Have a good one!
We watched the last debate today, at least until ten PM. Then we switched to the new South Park, which showed basically the same thing.
Anyway, because I'm furrin, there were several strictly American terms in John McCain's answers that I did not understand. So I had to google image them, so now I know exactly what he meant.
Here they are! Joe the Plumber:
and Joe Sixpack:
As you can see, Joe Sixpack is missing a head. But, as we all learned from this campaign, them heads are overrated. I am happy to report that I fell in love with both Joes at first sight, and whoever claims to defend them will get my vote.
Every afternoon, CB comes home from school and IMs me, and we talk for a few minutes. He tries to watch TV and talk to my parents while IMing, and I try to make my code work while IMing, so some of our exchanges end up being pretty genius. Here's one. I am posting it from memory, because I keep them off the record. If you like it, I'll post more, unless CB finds out and kills me in my sleep.
Goldie: Oh fucking great CB: what Goldie: i bought my favorite chocolates at teh russian store Goldie: and i just opened one and sure enough Goldie: it has been eaten by WORMS CB: gross CB: did u throw it away? Goldie: what? no. i broke that part off and i ate the rest CB: ewww Goldie: hey they are my favorites Goldie: humans and worms should share and coexist peacefully on our little planet CB: NO CB: WE WILL STOMP ON THEM AND WE WILL FEED THEM TO OUR YOUNG Goldie: feed them to out young wtf????? CB: what? little kids eat worms
I have not forgotten about Musical Hump Day, I just cannot play streaming video at work and I like to test my musical offering before I post it. So, tonight. If I get no comments on this, I will post an ABBA song as a revenge!
Recently, an Australian web magazine, SpyJournal, posted a survey they did on me. (Okay, okay, I volunteered.) I received an email from them the other day saying they are looking for more geek girl bloggers to write about. So, if you are one, stand up and be counted, while simultaneously giving mad props to your blog. I, for one, included a link to my Aspie Digest section in my survey. Hopefully other parents of Aspies will be able to find it. I put a lot of work into it back in the day and it is a good resource. Heck, some days when I get questions about Aspergers that I don't remember the answers to, I go to that section for references myself!
Anyway, if you would like to participate, contact them and they will send you the survey.
BTW, Cathy, I did take your advice and remembered to mention Tony Attwood in mine. Sigh, what can I do, I have a crush on him too!
In other news, CB turned 13 today. This makes me officially a mother of two teenagers. Yikes! Does anybody know if they prescribe medicinal marijuana for that? Or at least happy pills?
We went out with friends last night. We were standing outside when a girl from our old job came up to say hi and catch up on things. We hadn't seen each other for years. We used to be sort of friends, but then things cooled off. I cannot speak for her, but I lost my fascination with the girl after she stabbed me in the back in the worst possible way. It was an amazing low that still makes my head spin when I think of it. Basically, I thought we were friends, until she spread an incredibly nasty rumor behind my back. For the record, no, I do not further my career by trying to sleep with my managers. I figure my brains, people skills, teamwork, and work ethics should be enough for a decent career. Anything more than simply decent, I don't want. I have friends, I have hobbies, I have a family and I have no desire to sell my soul in exchange for a spectacular job. I don't need a spectacular job. I need something that pays my bills. Search this blog for "George" to find my version of what really happened. Apparently some of the bystanders watching from the sidelines took it the wrong way. Not my problem.
Anyway, this person hurt me deeply.
It was, however, ten years ago.
You'd think I should be able to put it all behind me and move on. Right?
Well after talking to the girl for five minutes yesterday, I was shaking, I had chills down my spine, and I realized I couldn't be around her for another second. Her proximity was making me physically sick. I said I had to make a phone call, and walked off. Hey, I wasn't lying, I really did have a missed call from CB that I urgently had to return. Very urgently.
This raises questions. Technically, we are supposed to be able to forgive anything. Because that's the way we'd like to be treated ourselves, blah blah blah. What about you? Can you do that? If someone had treated you badly, could you forget that a year later? Five years later? Ten? Ever? How long does it take you? Can you forget anything at all the person did to you, or is there a line in the sand? Where do you draw the line?
Also, what is your definition of forgiving? Do you completely erase the event from your memory? Or do you treat the person like nothing happened, but keep in mind that this is what he or she is capable of doing, so you better be on the lookout?
Would you forget and forgive even if the person has not changed their attitude towards you, or would it require a change in the person? Would you require an apology? Would the change/apology help, or would you hold it against the person nonetheless? Keep in mind, I am not talking minor offenses here. Those are easy. I am talking about something that is utterly despicable in your book.
I wish you guys would say something in the comments or email. I find myself unable to forget and forgive and I could use some mentoring. This also happens to be the topic of my tomorrow's Sunday school lesson and I don't know what I'm going to tell the kids. "Kids, do as I say, don't do as I do"? So. Please feel free to share. I would really appreciate it this time.
* I have come to believe there is a Toilet Fairy. She comes into every ladies' room two minutes after it was cleaned, walks into every stall, pees all over the toilet seats, and leaves. She only works with the girls. Guys probably have their own toilet fairies, but I don't want to even think about what those do.
* Any story that starts with "I had a dream last night..." can only continue in two ways: "It was a wet dream, and you were in it" => disturbing; or: Anything else => boring. Either way, if I hear it from you, I'm going to zone out right after the word "dream". I apologize in advance.
* A weekend is a lot like a person's life, compressed into two days. One minute, it's Friday evening and you have all these grand plans, with amazing events scheduled for your upcoming weekend. Next you know, it is Sunday evening, you haven't done any of your amazing things, and have instead spent your weekend putzing around the house and watching TV, and now it's over.
Maybe we should have a mid-weekend crisis on Saturday nights. That's when you realize your weekend is half over, and you have done nothing. You throw on something shiny and frantically run out in a last-minute attempt to have some poorly-planned fun. It doesn't work out and you return home to spend the rest of your weekend in peaceful resignation.
With that said, happy Friday and have a great weekend!
I was driving to work today, running late as usual, when I saw it.
Rolling roadblock.
Two people cycling side by side, in the middle of a lane, on a two-lane road, with a double yellow line down the middle, going 15 mph in a 40-mph zone.
Why, God, why?
Trucks swerved into the opposite lane to pass the happy pair. That didn't bother them. This is a winding road. You never know who's coming the other way. That was not safe by any stretch of imagination.
Every now and then, I read about how we need to share the road, how bicycles are vehicles like any other and should be treated as such.
If you're a vehicle like any other, then why are you doing 15 in a 40? Speed it up, and I won't have a problem with you. Oh, you can't.
I have an even better story. Our little street is on a roundabout. The next street off the circle is at a sharp angle to ours. With trees and bushes blocking the view, you can never see around the corner. A few times I almost got a heart attack when I turned the corner and found myself face to face with a happy cyclist, moving towards me, against the traffic. I asked a cyclist friend of mine and she said these are the existing rules.
I'm confused. So the existing rules for something that is to be treated like a vehicle is to go in the opposite direction? Can a vehicle do that? Also, what about the common sense? Isn't this, like, extremely unsafe?
I just don't get this whole sharing the road concept. To me, it makes as much sense as people walking in the middle of a freeway. Hey, walking is healthy, therefore we should be able to do that. Or not?
Truth be told, I'm conflicted on this. I have two teens, and I would certainly like for them to be able to get around our relatively small area without having to get behind the wheel. My dad, too, feels more comfortable riding his bike than driving. How to do it in the suburbs safely, is what I want to know. So far, most cyclists I see on the road are accidents waiting to happen.
Musical Hump Day: Will You Ever Write Your Masterpiece?
This song is one of my favorites. Wanted to post it long ago, but the video had disappeared from YouTube. But guess what, four days ago, someone posted it again.
I second every word he says here. In fact, I have thought about it long and hard and have a lot to say on the subject. Later. For now, Billy Joel, "James".
* In my 4th grade Sunday School class last week, two boys were fighting over a pen. I took the pen away, sat between them, and continued with the lesson. Instantly the kids became quiet and started listening. Wow, I'm good, I said to myself. Look how well I handled that one. Maybe I do have a teaching talent.
That's when the kid on my right let out a silent and deadly.
* V has joined the rest of the crowd with an obligatory Sarah Palin post. It was pretty good, however these words caught my attention: "...we'll let the magazines turn Obama and McCain into quasi-celebrities and we'll watch the whole horse in pony show..." I get thrown off easily by minor details, so my poor mind just took off running.
I kept having this visual of a huge, angry horse sexually violating this tiny, cute pony.
I left a comment asking who's the horse and who's the pony in this ungodly alliance. No one got it. I need to learn to be more clear, maybe insert some graphics into my comments.
* Speaking of Palin, the woman has forever contaminated the words "darn it", "dangit", "heck", and "doggone it". How's one to swear in public? Oh well, at least "fuck this shit" is still open. Don't you dare touch that one, Sarah, you hear me?!
* My next writing class assignment is to write a nonfiction story on a subject I feel strongly about. So far my list has: chinchillas, Aspergers, working on-call support, teamwork. There has to be a sci-fi story in there somewhere about outsourcing on-call support to a team of unsocial chinchillas.
* CB is turning 13 in six days. If I had let my parents have it their way and have our family practice Judaism, we'd be so screwed right now. But seriously, can you suggest something fun to do for a group of 5-6 thirteen-year-olds at a birthday sleepover?
If you see him, give him some love. He deserves it!!
A special mention to a man named Kurt who used to run a Timeshare Dump. Even though he had to discontinue the dump due to a huge number of timeshares coming in, he still offered to find us a seller and do the paperwork. Thanks Kurt!!
No more maintenance fees, no more membership dues, no more crappy hotels in obscure places! Yay!!! Good-bye, timeshare, hello vacations!!!
So here I am, trying to process this. Keep in mind, when I read posts and tweets and news and such on the Internets, I tend to kinda quickly skim it all. Because, you know, there are thousands of you, there's only one of me, trying to read everything you guys wrote. So here I go, skimming happily along.
Just went for a walk in the beautiful sunshine through our dog... WTF?
Visions of transparent dogs dancing in my head... no, that's not right. Try again.
Just went for a walk... through our dog and BBQ eating... something something park. WTF?
They eat dogs? And BBQ? No, not right. Try again.
Something something... Bin Laden... family park.
They own a park?? Ugh. Again.
...
Oooooh. I got it.
I need to get my own Twitter account so I, too, can confuse the crap out of people.
Breaking News: Dead Guy Comes Back To Life, Blames His Mom
This just hit my inbox, and boy am I happy.
Paul Malden, of the Dead Guy comics fame, has started a new blog, called Blame My Mom. So far only one post is up. Like most of us, Paul (man, it feels odd calling him something other than Ignatius M. Dedd) rants about the election. I have to disagree with him, though, on this one:
First of all, Paul, don't knock Wal-Mart. It's a great source of punishment for your teenage kids and a great way to teach them a valuable life lesson. The lesson, of course, being "never mess with the person who pays for your clothes".
Second of all. I, too, am guilty of choosing the candidate I can best relate to, for two elections in a row now. I just happen to be cool and highly intelligent and all around awesome. Heh heh, but seriously, I am also an immigrant and a person of mixed ethnicity. So are my children. Which means there is an unbridgeable gap between us and poor Sarah, bless her heart. She might as well have been from another planet.
On a really serious note, though, I agree. Think of election process as a job interview, you being the interviewer. Wouldn't you try to choose the better candidate for the job, rather than the one that resembles you the most or (a new one we've seen this season) the one you'd like to fuck?!
Anyway. I'm looking forward to reading Paul's blog. He is amazing. Don't take my word for it, check his archives over at Dead Guy. I would totally vote for him. Spread the word. http://www.blamemymom.com/
1) Thanks to Eden for a link to Not Always Right, a site that records silly/crazy customer behavior. I lost hours to this thing. Here's an example to give you a taste:
Guest: "Hi, yes, I'm calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?"
Me: "Okay, ma'am, if I can have your name, I'll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out."
Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in 3 seconds flat* "Straightened out? D**n right you're going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room, I'll be d**ned if we're paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn't even a BAR there!"
Me: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed-"
Guest: "That's just IT! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is ____ and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There's another charge on there for the 17th, I want this fixed!"
Me: "Yes, ma'am. I understand, ma'am. I’m looking now, ma'am... okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I'm showing that someone by the name of [husband] stayed on the 17th."
(There's dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.)
Guest: "What?"
(At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn't: another name is listed on the screen with her husband's for the June 17th stay, and it's NOT HERS.)
Me: "Um... ma'am?"
Guest: "I see. You've been very helpful."
Me: "Thank you ma'am. Can I help you with anything else today-"
(At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Then I get another phone call...)
Me: "Thank you for calling, how-"
Guest's husband: "I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b**ch! You dumb little c**t, you probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s**thole hotel for every penny it's worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!"
Me: *click*
2) So, who's watching the debates tonight? You'll probably need something to keep your hands busy to keep you from tearing your hair out in desperation. And I have just the thing for you! Courtesy of Gedblog, the Palin Bingo! Rules are here, printable PDF is here. We'll be playing!
3) Everybody go over to Waiter Rant and congratulate him on his book being made into a freakin TV Show! Talk about a well-deserved break.
4) The kinky church sign has been changed! It now says "Thank God for dirty dishes; at least you have food." Once again, the elevator failed to go all the way to the top. I have to agree with them, though, that there are many good uses for dirty dishes!
