Saturday, January 31, 2009

You Forgot "Hep Cat"

So, I'm getting this magazine called "Your Teen: for Parents". Not sure how it ends up in my mailbox, but since it's free, I'll take it. The last issue had this helpful article:

"Have you ever found yourself staring at your teenagers in complete wonder - hearing words come from their mouth but having no idea what they are saying? We break down the jargon to help you better understand your teenagers.

Makin' game: Flirting with a girl..."

Makin' what? I called CB over and handed him the mag.

"See this list, CB?" I said. "Can you look it over and tell me which words on this list are really teenage slang and which are not."

CB grabbed a pen and went to work.

Five minutes later, 18 words out of 20 were crossed out.

"What does crossed out mean, CB?"

"These are either old or I've never heard of them," CB told me.

Here are the only two CB approved:

apparently emos are alive and well, happily cutting themselves, so the term is still widely used.

I'd tap that
"Though usually we just say 'I'd fuck her'", my helpful kid explained.

Here are the eighteen that did not make CB's list. Being the anal mother that I am, I looked each one up on Urban Dictionary.

Makin' game
CB never heard of it. Neither did UD.

That's clutch
Again, not in UD. Supposed to mean "that's cool". NOT.

What's crackin'?
supposed to be the new "how're they hangin'?"
UD has one entry on this, but in CB's defense, it's four years old.

Mackin' on
CB has never heard of it or used it, yet it is listed in UD as "Attempt at securing further sexual relations with a female". Wow, I've been macked on so many times and didn't know it. Or mackered on. Whatever.

I'm throwin' down
"I'm having a party" is how Your Teen magazine defines it. According to UD, though, it means "The act of expelling waste similar in color and consistency to vomit, though expelled through the rectum rather than the mouth. It may be accompanied by sounds similar to those made while vomiting as well. See ass vomit." Wow, that's some party.

Looking fly/fresh
2009 teen slang? You've got to be kidding me, Will Smith!

Peace out
CB laffed at it, but look at this:
Term used to encourage military members to become conscienous objectors "peace" and get "out" of the military. Started during the Viet Nam War by "Peaceniks" and hippies. Turned into a term for saying goodbye, used primarily within ethnic groups. Has been receiving renew popularity because of the U.S.s involvement in yet another unpopular war.
Hey... sounds cool! (Fresh?)

Are you going to roll up?
No, Your Teen, this does not mean "are you going somewhere?" Look it up, sheesh. Anyhoo, if you are going to roll up, pass it around, dude.

The rest of the list is pretty much the same - tired, 90s slang:


Keep it on the down low
Hooked up
Friends with benefits
I'm down
She's a dime piece

This is all the teen slang CB and I have for you tonight. Peace out.

The Goldie has spoken at 9:38 PM

How To Kill Your Blog In Five Minutes

In a moment of vanity, I outed this blog to my coworkers.

But that's okay, because my RL friends already had the URL anyway.

I honestly don't know what to write here anymore. Whenever I can think of something clean, I'll be sure to post it. I have a few ideas right now. I will definitely continue the Musical Hump Days. I'll probably update Graphomania eventually. I'm still taking the class, and stuff is happening.

I'm going to leave the site up no matter who knows about it, because IMO the Aspie Digest is too valuable to take down. I've used it a few times as a reference myself. I don't add to it anymore, because LP is no longer the flaming Aspie he used to be. He's making friends and getting good grades. He also cooks, does home repairs, mows the lawn in summer and shovels the driveway in winter. No, you can't have him.

Blogs as a whole are already over with, so who cares?

I will talk to you whenever.

The Goldie has spoken at 9:30 PM

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Snowy Musical Hump Day

It's snowing here. Again. Schools are closed; Mr. Goldie's work has a two hour delay. I'm the only one that has to leave now. LP shoveled our driveway an hour ago, but you cannot tell that already. Wish me luck.

Here with a true observation on life, one of my all-time favorites. Tell me, is it wrong to have a crush on a guy that's been dead for 40 years?

Bonus song about snow. Now, this is the white stuff that should be illegal.

The Goldie has spoken at 7:52 AM

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Fun With Ethnicities

Because I know someone will click over from PAN, after my comments there tonight, let me tell you a story.

One time at day camp, a kid told my son ChinchillaBoy (then 11-year-old): "All Russians are stupid".

CB inquired, "Do you want to insult my heritage after camp?" hinting at the fact that, in camp, no fighting was allowed.

CB packs a mean punch, so the kid backed off.

This was two years ago. CB is much stronger now. Don't make me call him over. Okay?

Also, do unto others as you would them do unto you. This means, don't say things to other people that would piss you off if applied to your precious self.

This is my sermon for today. I'm out.

The Goldie has spoken at 11:13 PM

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

It's 20 degrees outside, and has been for the last month. Except for that one week when temperatures were in the single digits.

Sidewalks are covered with snow, and the road with salt. Yesterday CB tried taking the dog for a walk down the street and back. They had to walk in the middle of the road. The dog came back all covered in salt and sleet, from his long Sheltie hair sweeping the ground.

I feel trapped in my own house. At least it's a nice house, with cool and awesome people living in it. Still, I'm bored. Where's spring when you need it?

The Goldie has spoken at 8:11 PM

Saturday, January 24, 2009


I have been reading a lot of Internet Monk lately. Open-minded, thought-provoking, and highly recommended reading, regardless of what your views are.

This post and the comments, however, gave me pause, specifically in this part:

"This Catholic apologist felt that Protestants are mistaken to say they can prove their pro-life position solely from reading the Bible.
Catholic doctrine and ethical teaching comes out of the Catholic view of authority: scripture, tradition and magisterium. All work together to arrive at the conclusion."

And later in the comments:

"I know of no denomination that is pro-abortion for example. Whether by scripture or tradition, we agree on life."

"there isn’t an open and shut case against abortion derived solely from the pages of Scripture. However, when you consider that Christian tradition has always been firmly against it, the case becomes stronger."

etc etc.

Which, to me, says that the pro-life movement has no scientific proof that life begins at conception. This belief appears to be based on faith and faith alone. This actually came as a surprise to me. Having interacted with the pro-life movement since the late 80s, from their sheer confidence I was sure they had volumes of medical evidence to back their claims. Turns out, they do not?

Which leads me to the question, if this is a matter of personal faith, then what the hell are they doing trying to make it a criminal offense, punishable by law?

How is this different from turning any other staple of any other religion into a criminal offense?

How'd you like to go to jail for not praying towards Mecca five times a day? to be fined for eating pork? Sheesh. Keep your faith to yourself.

I turned away from the pro-life movement in the early 2000's, right after I realized that it has an action plan. And that, on that action plan, outlawing birth control comes right after overturning Roe v. Wade. I cannot handle more than two kids, so I was like, oh fuck no. I'm outta here. I'm too partial to my IUD.

The post and comments on IM are a huge step towards validating my decision in my eyes. I hadn't realized how right I was.

Church and state, these two don't mix.

PS: This was the news story that made me drop the pro-life movement like it was going out of style. Thanks, Neil Noesen, you were a huge help.

PPS: Why am I even writing about this? Normally I wouldn't touch this subject with a ten-meter pole. Guess I had to post the link because I was impressed by the pro-life folks themselves basically admitting they don't have a case. Wow.

The Goldie has spoken at 3:55 PM

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Professional Musical Hump Day

Dang, I've got to rent this movie.

The Goldie has spoken at 8:18 AM

Monday, January 19, 2009

Dog Blog

Since you cannot make me go outside in this weather, I've been using my dog lately to find out what it's like outside. Here's how it works. You let your dog out for a few minutes and then observe him closely when he comes back in.

Dog is wet - it's raining

Dog is covered in snow - it's snowing

You cannot let dog out, because door won't open - over 20 inches of snow

You let dog out and he doesn't come back - minus 30 degrees or lower. Dog froze to the ground.

Dog smells bad - the snow has melted away completely

Dog yelps when you let him out - hail

Dog disappears - tornado

*** *** ***

For the last two weekends, we've been trying to take the dog to a new dog park. So far no luck. It has become a personal challenge for me, so I'll keep trying. I will keep you updated. Here's our progress so far.

Week 1 - 10 inches of snow, trip canceled.

Week 2 - light snow and 10 degree temperature. CB and I dress in layers and head out. GPS doesn't recognize dog park address as valid location, but agrees to take us to a nearby street. GPS takes us to the wrong exit and down random side streets. We magically end up in front of a bar where I met with friends three weeks ago. Walk dog around the parking lot. Realize it's freezing cold. Head back. Dog inexplicably happy.

Maybe the park doesn't exist. We'll keep trying. We will find it eventually, and it better not suck.
In other news, the Goldie household was without water for 18 hours this weekend because a pipe burst. I hadn't realize how much I love water. One of the rare weekends when I actually looked forward to coming back to work. Ugh. Happy Monday!

Here's a random picture for your enjoyment. House FTW.

The Goldie has spoken at 9:39 AM

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Uplifting Musical Hump Day

Are you having a crappy week? I am.

Have you tried drinking? I have. It didn't work.

Well, we've gotta do something! 'Cuz when we worry, our faces'll frown, and that'll bring everybody down... Am I right??

So... here we go. If this doesn't put us in a good mood... nothing will.

"But Goldie, it isn't hump day yet!" you say. "It is still Tuesday!" Let me tell you this, smartass. Do you trust me to remember to post a song tomorrow? Do you?? Good, neither do I.

The Goldie has spoken at 9:41 PM

Thursday, January 01, 2009

It's Not A Real New Year's Celebration Unless Someone Gets Stitches

Also, a tetanus shot. I also apparently have a permanent loss of sensation in the tip of my index finger. My knife slipped when I was doing some last-minute cooking last night.

This is actually a family tradition. Many years ago, when I was still dating Mr.Goldie, he came down to visit me one January with a scar that went all around his wrist, that he had got on New Year's Eve.

We still went to the party and had a great time, because that's how we roll.


The Goldie has spoken at 2:36 PM

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