Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Children's Books > People & Places > Biographies > Political? SRSLY???

Last night, CB and I were in Costco, passing by the children's book section, when we saw this:

My first reaction was to snap pictures of the book while laughing my ass off. Then I got home and started freaking out. I told Mr. Goldie and we continued to freak out together.

What are we in for? - we fretted. Is he trying to start a cult of himself? Are we about to make a terrible mistake and put a wrong person in the White House? Why the hell didn't I vote for Hillary?

I tossed and turned all night. First thing this morning, I went on Amazon to take another look and maybe leave a review. I was going to start something like: "WTF is this doing in the stores two fucking weeks before the election????"

But, once I got on Amazon, I made a disturbing disovery.

There is a line of business of illustrated, paperback political bios for children ages 4 and up.

Here's some of what I found in the children's bestsellers section:

(Bill didn't get a book. Sucks to be you, Bill.)

But guess who did:

I feel better now, though more confused than before. In fact, since this shit seems to pay off so well, I've come up with a few book ideas of my own:

"John, The Last Mavrickosaurus: An Aging Reptile That Could"

"Sarah, The Warrior Princess" - this sequel to "300" takes place in Alaska. A high-heeled, bespectacled woman kills a horde of evil Iranians with her bare hands and teeth.

"Joe The Plumber: From The Sewer To The Stars"

I'd think of more, but thinking about big politics for more than eight straight minutes makes me barf. So instead, why don't we look inside the "Barack" book. I have a Children's Bible at home and I had the hardest time telling these two books apart. Crazy, I'm telling you.

And, in closing - "this great man spoke in a beautiful voice while crowds admired his handsome face and his sexy bod..." I'm not making this up! Read on.

Damn, I'm in the wrong business.

The Goldie has spoken at 12:15 PM

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