LilProgrammer: You know what happened at school today?
I: What?
LP: You know how on Valentine's Day you can pay a dollar and send one of those Valentine thingies anonymously to whomever you want?
I: Carnations?
LP: Yeah, those. So today, here's what they came up with. For a dollar, you can find out the name of your anonymous person.
I: You can find out who sent you a carnation?
LP: Yes! Isn't it dumb?!
I: That is so wrong! What if you sent a carnation to your secret crush?!
LP: Exactly, that's what everybody's doing, and now the people are going to find out. This is a violation of privacy.
I: Wait a minute. You know what I would do? I would make them bid against each other.
LP: (stares)
I: It would be an auction. I would have the anonymous person and their recipent raise the price, and then it's whoever wins. If the anonymous person outbids the recipient, then he gets to stay anonymous. If the recipient outbids the anonymous person, then he gets to find out who it was. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Someone told me how amazing it is that I am able to, not only live in a foreign country where everybody speaks a foreign language, but actually have a job here.
While I appreciate the good intent, let me tell you a bit about myself.
I've been in this country ten years. Ten years ago, I took a GRE test in English and scored in the 2100s. Three years ago, I took a Mensa test in English and passed. Two years ago, I started this blog in English and you guys are still reading me. But you know what's really neat? In the immigrant society, I am not by far the smartest or most accomplished.
We come from Europe and Asia. We were born and raised in families where education was a number one priority. Not sports, not popularity - education. We graduated from top schools in our countries. We came here because the American society rewards intelligence, skills and hard work. We write your software, teach at your universities and treat you when you get sick. We contribute to the society. We pay our taxes. We raise children who call themselves Americans. You may not believe it, but your ancestors used to be just like us. And don't you fucking dare ever patronize us and tell us how amazing it is that we can hold down a job!
I cannot believe I even have to explain this. Is this a Midwest thing, or is it the public opinion that has formed as a result of all the media hype about unwashed illegal immigrants flooding the US so they can be a drain on American economy? I don't know, but I don't like it.
In other news, the link to my friend's portfolio is finally working! If you like my new design and want her to do one for you, click on the link on my sidebar.
You know all these writers, artists and such who never got anything but criticism during their lives, but went on to eternal fame after they were dead?
Well, I just realized, they were going about it all wrong. What did those writers do when the publishers said no to them? What did the proverbial Van Gogh do when his proverbial "Sunflowers" was ridiculed in every newspaper? They probably crawled into a corner and said nothing, the sissies. See, what they should have done was go back to the publisher or the paper, bring some trusty friends over, and stand under their window yelling something like this:
"Are you girls just mad because you are fatties?"
"this is the first time i ever read words on a page where i could actually hear wheezing -- OF COURSE THEY ARE FAT!"
"You people are mean nnd fat and have zits I bet. and smelly 'down theres' too."
"i get that people do not "get" or enjoy my blog or me personally but it is no coincidence that these such people are the ones who had sandwiches thrown at them in highschool, NOT MY FAULT."
"You guys suck so much that the rest of the world has ceased to suck because if we added your intense sucking to the general sucking pool, the planet would CEASE TO EXIST. Because it would get sucked into itself."
"do you all still live at home? in your parents basements, perhaps?"
And then, the miracle! The editor or whoever would instantly see the error of their ways, realize that "Sunflowers" or what have you is, in fact, a masterpiece, praise it to the heavens, and have a museum buy it for millions of dollars, franks or pounds.
And then he would join a gym and go on a diet, because you cannot criticize other people's work unless you're skinny.
No, seriously, I cannot believe that anyone can, even for a minute, think that this approach will ever work. Neither can I believe that an author of an award-winning blog, named best in Canada, would feel the need to get all defensive like this. A-list bloggers just don't do that. They're above it, normally. Here, let me show you. Dooce sucks. Dooce sucks. Dooce sucks.
See? Nothing happened. She does not care. And that's exactly the right attitude.
I had my doubts about Raymi's blog initially. I thought, I probably just don't get it 'cuz I'm too old. These doubts have now vanished.
To see the flying sandwiches in action, go to BlogLaughs and read the comments on this post.
