Monday, January 31, 2005

Now *that*'s funny!

Get a good laugh over at Espresso Sarcasm

New Workplace Rules

You may have seen the story about the company who has decided its employees can't smoke and will now test them for nicotine. Several people have quit and if there hasn't already been a lawyer filing a lawsuit, wait less time than a Blog Explosion surf, and there will be. I've seen the claim that this is a violation of personal freedom. Well, hogwash. As much as I don't want government telling businesses whether they can allow smoking, a business should have the right to determine what type of health risks they want to insure, especially since in this entitlement society, health insurance seems to be a requirement of a job.

While I could argue with that, I wholeheartedly agree with what follows - ten new company workplace rules (at least when Norman owns the company). Here are a few.

10. No selling of girl scout cookies, school fundraisers, Amway, Avon, Tupperware, or Pampered Chef. Not only is it a big killer on the productivity front, it makes me feel like you either get paid too much on the first two, or not enough on the latter examples. We won't stand for such outright disrespect.

5. No watching of reality tv. You say it's a personal freedom. Well, we're going to test for it, because while I don't have any science (yet!) to back up the claim, I'm pretty sure you're reducing brain matter. Not to mention the lost productivity discussing American Idle the next day.

2. No surfing of unnecessary sites on the Internet (Like this one!). However, any good porn sites should be reported immediately. and,

1. Sexual harassment will not be tolerated. Er, what I mean is if I make inappropriate sexual comments, gestures, or actions, you are not to consider it harassment. Think of it as a perk.

Aren't these great? I've left the best ones out, though, so follow the above link to check them out.

By the way, I did read the original article and their next target is... are you sitting down?... obese people. I wish the company in question good luck in their future endeavor and hope there will be more to follow. After all, we need to get material for our posts somewhere.

The Goldie has spoken at 11:01 AM

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