Monday, January 31, 2005

Important Message for My Kids

Okay folks, I don't know about you, but I'm getting kind of tired of posting all the serious stuff. I need a break, so here goes. Just so you know, I spent the second half of my day yesterday alternating between blogging and fighting with K9 over a Wendy's meal. He wanted a Wendy's meal, and I reminded him that he had had pizza the day before, and that being slightly overweight, he wasn't really supposed to eat too much junk food. That's basically how our conversation went, except that it was repeated approximately 150 times. This made me realize that, maybe, a few rules were in order in my family. So I sat down and typed this memo. I polished it off this morning, and I intend to print it and hand it out to both kids. I hope it works, but if it doesn't, I can write more of those and in more colorful language!

Here it is. Enjoy.

THINGS THAT PI... (last word crossed out) IRRITATE ME

1. When K9 asks for something, then doesn’t take no for an answer so he asks 50 more times for the same thing. The answer is no, K9, and you know why it is no, so get over it.

2. When both of you remain on the computer while I’m talking to you.

3. Variation of (2). When both of you remain on the computer while I’m talking to you, say yes to whatever I’m telling you, then later on I find out that you never heard what I was saying in the first place. Don’t say yes to what you haven’t heard, and, if you want to hear, then listen.

4. When both of you act like there are no clocks in the house, and wait for me to tell you when to get up, get dressed, get ready to go, etc. Your school has been starting at the same time every day since 1998. You know when you need to be ready for it, and the clock is right in front of your face. Use it.

5. Variation of (4). When I11 never starts doing his homework until I tell him to. Well what if I get hit by a Mack truck, who’s gonna tell you to do your homework then? Decide on a time, set an alarm, and do your homework when the alarm goes off.

6. When K9 has to go someplace like swimming class or church or basketball practice, or even, on some odd occasion, a birthday party, and he looks forward to going there up until about five minutes before it’s time to leave, when all of a sudden he decides he doesn’t want to go. If this is something you don’t have to go to, then make up your mind in advance K9. If it’s something you do have to go to, then tough luck, you’ve got to go, so get in the car already. If it’s a birthday party and you RSVP’d, then yes you have to go.

7. When it takes me 90 minutes to get K9 into bed at night, and an hour to get him out of bed in the morning. You got it all mixed up K9. Repeat after me. Night, sleep. Morning, not sleep. Not the other way around.

8. When school’s out but I still have to go to work in the morning, and K9 insists on a) going to bed at midnight and b) that I put him to sleep. Pick one, K9, because I cannot go to bed at midnight-1AM and then get up at 7AM all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to go to work. This is because I’m still trying to catch up on all the thousands of hours of sleep that I missed nine years ago (guess why).

9. To be continued as there is probably more...

The Goldie has spoken at 9:18 AM

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