Sunday, September 14, 2008

Silly Season Sunday

Term stolen from Cathy, because I liked it.

I really meant to finish my date rape story, but CB and Sparky got up and are now distracting me. Right now they are both crawling stealthily through the room. I think they're hunting for a fly. Anyway, I decided to bitch about elections instead, because it's easier to write.

1. Beauty contest?

The media coverage and the Internet coverage are driving me nuts this season. This morning, on my Google News front page, I saw this gem: "It is no longer between Obama and McCain, it is now between Brother Barack and Sister Sarah".

What the fuck?

Let me rephrase: it is no longer about the issues. It is about who looks better on stage, who killed a bigger moose, who was in more beauty contests as a teen. Yes a lot of this shit seems to be coming from Palin. Election coverage had been at least semi-normal until she entered. It has now switched to full-on special-ed kindergarten level. Congratulations.

If you think it's not working on actual people, think again. This is an actual conversation with my parents a week ago:

"Can you ask LP if he... (question follows). We tried to ask him, but he answers in English and we cannot understand him."

"K I will."

"Also, can you tell him to... (request follows). We did, he said something back to us, but it was in English and we don't know if he's going to do it or not."

"K will do."

"Also we watched Sarah Palin's speech last night and she is so good! We are definitely voting for her now. We could understand every word she said, and, she is so good-looking! And young! Not like that old fart McCain."

"Um, wow, I gotta go I guess?"

Of course they could understand every word she said. She is a mother of five! She's used to speaking so a small, easily distracted child can understand her. I'm the same way. Vote for me!

Anyway, since that's what decides our vote now, I propose we completely cut the crap like all those debates, discussion of issues and all that brainy confusing stuff, and make it a combination of American Idol and Miss Universe. Have 'em sing. We can have Simon judge them; he's cute. We need to definitely have a swimsuit contest, too. Heck, have them wear swimsuits all the time. This will take care of "omg he had his hands in his pockets" type of issues. No pockets=no incidents. We could go farther if we want to. Just imagine McCain on a Playboy spread. Wait, cancel that. Dang, too late, image is stuck in my brain now.

My point here is, we're acting like morons and we deserve whatever we end up electing in November.

2. Division.

As I'm reading my Internet buddies' blogs, I increasingly see attempts at spin and that saddens me. One of my best Internet friends posted a pair of quotes from Obama and Palin side-by-side. When I first read them, I gasped. The way the quotes were laid out, with no comment except the post header, made Obama look like a cynical baby-hater next to a caring grandmother that is Palin. Then I read the full quote in the comments, turns out Obama's speech had been about contraception and STD prevention, not about abortion as the post seemed to suggest. Big difference, no?

Recently, I discovered a blog that I liked and started reading it daily. A week ago, this is what I see in the comments, written by one of the blog authors:

"...she doesn't bring in the Hillary voters. They hate the right as much as they hate men."

Damn, and I was just starting to like this site. Where on earth did this even come from? Not only is it offensive as hell, it's also a mile off. Many of my friends are Hillary supporters. A lot of them are men. All of them would be surprised to hear they hate men. I am not a Hillary supporter by the way. I am an Obama supporter. So, what's the word on Right Street, who am I supposed to hate? Crackers? Why yes I do. I don't even have any crackers in the house. These things are loaded with empty calories, you know?

This is crazy. We are all getting caught in the heat of the moment and the best of us are posting things they would never say or write in normal times. I'm going to go with the flow and say that McCain is trying to pick a war with my home country, and Palin is nothing short of a national disaster. That said, I lived through Brezhnev, Andropov and Chernenko, and my parents lived through Khruschev and Stalin. We will certainly survive four to eight years of John and Sarah. Granted, it will suck, but it's not the end of the world, well unless McCain does start WWIII and then it will be.

Whew, I feel better now that I got this off my chest. Y'know what? I'm going to make it a Sunday feature. Every Sunday I will moan and bitch about elections. Stay tuned. I'm off to teach Sunday school, my first time ever with a class of fourth-graders. Yikes! See ya!

The Goldie has spoken at 7:24 AM

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