Monday, September 08, 2008


  • Last weekend: Urgent care with LP. Yesterday: Emergency room with CB. Scheduled for next weekend: alien abduction/anal probe for entire family.
  • When I came home from work, as soon as I walked through the door my parents started telling me what an awesome person Sarah Palin is. After ten minutes of it, I suddenly remembered I had plans. That's how I ended up at LP's high school parent orientation last Thursday night.
  • Dear Costco shoppers. If you, with a group of your friends, decide to have a loud conversation in an aisle, blocking it completely, then I reserve the right to park my cart by your group and continue offering helpful comments until you let me pass. "He said what?" "Oh no she didn't!" "That's where you're wrong." "All right, here's what I think you should do..."
  • Also, next time your unsupervised child runs out in front of my cart, I will abduct him, bring him home and use him for child slave labor. There's plenty of dog shit in my backyard that needs to be picked up. None of my kids want to do it.
  • "Are we having fun yet?" "Can we go home now?" "Are you working hard or hardly working?" Ask me any of those questions and I will mix ground Ex-Lax into your lunch. Before you ask, yes, I do have a bad case of the Mondays.

The Goldie has spoken at 2:16 PM

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