Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Obligatory Birthday Post

Today is my birthday. Luckily for me, it is nothing significant this year. Next year, however, is the big 4-0. I am already shaking in my sandals, and trying to plan the PARTY. Naturally, helpful stories about other people's 40th parties come to mind. Here's one.

This goes against everything I believe in, but this story actually took place at my work. I don't normally blog about work, but this was many years ago and most of the parties involved are long gone, so maybe I'll get away with it. Anyway, it was many years ago and my boss's fortieth birthday was fast approaching. Following an old office tradition, his friends decided to get all festive on him and called the decorators.

It is important to add here that my boss was always fashionably late for work.

So, on the morning of his birthday, I came to work at a quarter after eight and saw that the parking lot was decorated in all black. There were probably hundreds of cutout buzzards on the lawn, along with the signs: "Happy 40th birthday, (first name, last name), you old fossil!"

The decorators were just finishing up when I got in.

An hour later, I went outside for a breath of fresh air. To my amazement, I saw the decorators again. Only, this time, they were packing up. Very quickly, they pulled the buzzards out of the ground, put them in their truck, and, just like that, they were gone. The parking lot was pristine, like nothing ever happened.

Fifteen minutes later, my boss pulled into the parking lot. He was probably expecting to see something, so he went around and asked questions. It turned out that it was the HR department who ordered the decorations off the lawn. The purpose of this was that the decorations were potentially offending to my boss, and, as such, had to be removed immediately.

When my boss heard the story, he was livid. I find it ironic how the HR managed to actually offend a person by trying to NOT offend him.

Later in the day, we all received an email from the Human Resources stating that all birthday decorations with a person's actual age on them are forbidden due to their offensive nature. I never saw the buzzards in our parking lot again.

Too bad. They would've come in handy next year.

The Goldie has spoken at 2:58 PM


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