Monday, May 09, 2005

My Kids’ Smartass Moments

Last week, I posted about wisdom-filled life truths that my children have been stating.

Some of you may feel intimidated by my kids. Fear not. The moments of wisdom are few and far between. What I hear most of the time is something like this.

Smartass moment – I12

I ran into this woman yesterday in church. Our oldest kids are in the same class. They are also both in the gifted program. Except that her son is actually trying and putting forth an effort, whereas mine is… don’t get me started.

Anyway, she asks me,

“Why wasn’t I12 at the math tournament at the High School yesterday?”

Wait, you mean there was a math tournament? I12 never told me there was one. I launched into a long rant, ending with:

“I’ll say a few words to him when he gets here.”

So we sit down, sip on our coffee, and wait for the kids to get out of Sunday school. Ten minutes later, along comes I12.

“Can we go now, Mom?”

“Wait, ~I~. Come here.”

He comes over.

“What was in High School yesterday?”

(pause) “I don’t go to High School…” (pause)

Gee, I think to myself. He probably didn’t know! Really, what kind of mother am I, always assuming the worst of my own children? Shame on me!

I12 continues:

“… on Saturdays.”

The rest is boring. I was telling I12 to get his head out of wherever he has it and do something productive at school, and he was telling me that math tournaments are stupid, and they suck.

Smartass moment – K9

K9 got an assignment in school. It’s called Wax Museum. You are supposed to dress like a famous person and give a speech on that person’s behalf, retelling their bio. It also said on the assignment, “The person that you choose must have a place in history or be a positive role model. Reading a book about the person is required.”

Somehow, right away, I knew who would be K9’s choice. I went over to subtly talk him out of it.

“~K~, let’s pick your famous person.”

“I already did.”

“It says here the person needs to be a positive role model.”

“He is.”

“And here it says you need to read a book about him. Is there a book about your person?”

“Mom, I’m sure there is a book about Eminem!”

Oy vey! Of course, I had seen it coming all along.

“~K~, the teacher will never let you do Eminem. Do you have another person in mind?”

“No. My friend and I are gonna ask her on Monday, I’m sure she’ll say yes. My friend wants to be Kid Rock.”

(jaw falls on floor)

I can’t wait to hear what the teacher said. I mean, I can kind of guess, I just hope she didn’t faint or call CPS or anything.

Sheesh, what’s with those kids these days? I12 had this exact same project when he was in 3rd grade, and did great. He came in as Thomas Edison. This is the easiest costume to make, ever. In the book, it pretty much says that Mr. Edison was an incredibly crappy dresser and his hair used to stick out in all directions. I just put some old second-hand clothes on I12, and voila! Thomas Edison, complete with a light bulb in hand.

But I digress.

One thing to add, though… in the unlikely event that the teacher does let them come in as rappers, I am definitely taking pictures! Nine-year-old chubby kids dressed up as tough Detroit guys? This should be hysterical!

The Goldie has spoken at 5:00 PM

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