Friday, May 20, 2005

A Guy Would Kill For Roommates Like These

This happened on my campus, in ’84, in Russia. I was 17 years old and extremely naïve. It was my first year at the university, I lived on campus, and had three roommates. Then one of the roommates moved out of our room and in with her best friend a couple floors up. We now had a spare bed that needed to be filled. There was a waiting list a mile long and the administration kept sending us prospective roomies. We somehow managed to turn them all away, and were hoping that we’d be able to remain just the three of us in the room till at least the end of the school year.

Then these two girls came along. They were second-year students, and they came together. We didn’t have an excuse to turn them away, like we did the rest, so they moved right in. They told us how the evil administration had sent them both to our room and made the two of them share one bed. We felt sorry for them, indignant at the administration, and, I believe, wanted to complain on their behalf. Not to mention that there were now five of us in a 10x20 ft room and we were pretty crammed!

The girls turned out to be less-than-ideal roomies. First of all, they had too much stuff. They tried to shove it all into my closet, but it wouldn’t all fit in. They tried to stick it under the bed, but it didn’t all fit in there, either. As a result, there were suitcases and bags all over the room. The girls, also, had a bad habit of giving the room key to random people. We’d come home after classes and there’d be a large girl we’d never seen before standing in the middle of our room in her bra and underwear. That was creeping us out a lot. One thing had to be said for the girls, however, - they did not bring guys to our room. No dates coming over, staying for tea, making out… none of that.

One night, I woke up. My bed was three feet away from the girls’. I opened my eyes and saw something that did not look right.

The first thing that caught my eye was the butt. On the other bed, there was a naked butt sticking out from under the blanket. People rarely sleep naked on campus, so that in itself was strange.

To make things even stranger, a hand was sticking out of the same blanket, gently stroking the butt.

Did I say I was very naïve at 17? That’s true, I was. I had just started dating, for Pete’s sake. There was no way I could decipher what was in front of me, especially this being 1984 when that kind of thing wasn’t getting quite as much media exposure in Russia as it does now in America. Amazingly, in a split second, I managed to make the correct decision to close my eyes and play dead. I went back to sleep and never told my other roommates about the whole thing. Eventually, the two strange roomies moved out. Two years later, a mutual acquaintance confirmed my suspicions. Our roomies were, indeed, very much a couple, and apparently not shy about making out in front of three other people.

Now, let’s take a poll. Who here thinks I should have watched the whole thing?

The Goldie has spoken at 8:46 AM

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