Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Shake That Healthy Butt!

I finally got that mix CD I had been promised.

I have to warn you that my tastes in music are pretty liberal. I’ll try anything, unless it’s some crazy racist/hate/extremely violent lyrics. That said, I got me a mix rap/hip-hop CD. My son ChinchillaBoy has been advising me on the latest (and not-so-latest) hits.

My favorite song on my new CD? “I Like Big Butts”, by Sir Mix-A-Lot. The more I listen to it, the more I fall in love with it. Especially since my own butt cannot stop growing. What can I do, I love good food and I greatly enjoy my own cooking. Resistance is futile.

I find myself quoting it all the time. Today, I told ChinchillaBoy to shake that healthy butt. He was not amused.

It reminded me of another song I really like, “Fat-Bottomed Girls” by Queen. Back in my Slate BBS days (six years ago!! time flies), it was very popular with the forum community. Every week or so, some n00b would grace the forum with his presence (yes, his... it was always some guy), and make a long, flaming post bashing fat people. “Just stop eating already”, “You’re ugly”, that kind of stuff. And one of us would always respond by posting the entire lyrics to “Fat-Bottomed Girls”. The rest would promptly join in, make fun of the poor n00b, and humiliate him into leaving, and possibly even rethinking his views on everyone bigger than size 4.

Those were the days. We were a terrific team, and had tons of fun. Most of us went back to real life, except, of course, me (as you can see, I started a blog). A few of us still stay in touch. I was fortunate to meet one woman from my old BBS in person, and we had a great time.

Another song I loved? “We Be Burnin”. I wonder if there’s T-shirts for sale. Wouldn’t it be cool to buy one, then wear it to my son’s DARE graduation? Oh my, I’m almost forty and I still want to do things for shock value. Time to grow up.

Here are the lyrics to I Like Big Butts. Enjoy (while I am enjoying all the hits).

Oh my god
Becky, look at her butt
Its so big
She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends
Who understands those rap guys
They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute
I mean her butt
It's just so big
I can't believe it's so round
It's just out there
I mean, it's gross
Look, she's just so black

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Make Me so horney
Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my benz
Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy

I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's Sweat,Wet, got it goin like a turbo vette

I'm tired of magazines
Saying flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back

So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Baby got back

(LA face with Oakland booty)

I like'em round and big
And when I'm throwin a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin like an animal
Now here's my scandal

I wanna get you home
And UH, double up UH UH
I aint talkin bout playboy
Cuz silicone parts were made for toys
I wannem real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mixalot's in trouble
Beggin for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cus or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --
Til the break of dawn
Baby Got it goin on
Alot of pimps won't like this song
Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on

So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back

(LA face with the Oakland booty)

Yeah baby
When it comes to females
Cosmo ain't got nothin to do with my selection
Only if she's 5'3"

So your girlfriend throws a Honda
Playin workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin
And I'm thinkin bout stickin
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You aint it miss thing
Give me a sista I can't resist her
Red beans and rice did miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
Cuz his girls were on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And pulled up quick to get with 'em
So ladies if the butt is round
And you wanna triple X throw down
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT and kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back
Baby got back
Little in tha middle but she got much back x4

The Goldie has spoken at 12:27 PM

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