Thursday, January 26, 2006

More from My Aunt, and an Important Announcement

Seeing as so many people liked my aunt, here’s another story. This happened nine years ago, right after Memorial Day. It was our first year in America. On Memorial Day, the four-year-old LilProgrammer asked us about the meaning of this holiday. To the best of my knowledge, I told him that this is when people pay respect to their dead.

LilProgrammer got curious. Although he will categorically deny it, there’s always been a goth deep inside of him, trying to get out.

“What happens to people when they die, Mom?”

How do you explain it to a four-year-old without freaking him out? I left out the “they go to Heaven” part, because he’d heard that already. Besides, it seemed like he was more interested in what happens to the body.

“Well LP, their families take their body, go to a special place called cemetery, and dig a hole in the ground. That’s called grave. They put the body in a wooden box, put the box in the grave, and cover it with earth. Then they put a nice stone up on top, plant some pretty flowers, and, every so often, they come to visit.”

LilProgrammer seemed satisfied with my explanation.

A week later, my aunt came over when I was out. When I got back, my snorting and snickering family members told me this.

LilProgrammer, who generally had bad manners due to being just a tad out of this world, did or said something my aunt didn’t like. Probably told her that he wanted to be left alone. My aunt decided that this would be a good opportunity to send LilProgrammer on a long guilt trip. Big mistake. Here’s what happened.

My aunt, indignantly, promised to LilProgrammer:

“If you keep on treating me this way, I am going to get sick, and DIE!”

And asked him:

“What are you going to do then?”

LilProgrammer knew exactly what he was supposed to do in this situation, and was more than happy to explain it to Aunt. Finally, a question he knew the answer to. Auntie would be so pleased with his knowledge of things.

“First, I’m going to take your body, put it in a wooden box, and dig a grave. I’ll put the box in the grave, and cover it with earth. Then I will put a nice stone on top, and plant some pretty flowers.”

LilProgrammer was explaining the procedure to Aunt in great detail. She should know that he has it all covered. She doesn’t have to worry; he’ll take care of everything.

Five minutes later, Aunt suddenly remembered that she had things to do, and left.

Never try to guilt trip an Aspie. They’re too literal. It'll fly right over their head, and what they say back to you may surprise you, not necessarily in a good way.


Next Monday is a big date for our family. Nine years ago on that day, we came here. I decided to celebrate with… what else? A long, boring story of our move here. Don’t worry, it’s not all that boring; I tried to keep it funny. It will be posted in a large number of installments, starting next week. Stay tuned.

The Goldie has spoken at 2:55 PM

Technorati search

Powered by FeedBurner

Graphic Design by alla_v