My Son, The Ladies’ Man
My younger son is in many ways very lucky. He’s cute (was very cute as a small kid, has a few extra pounds now – I’m hoping they will go away when the growth spurt hits), has a lot of friends, and is pretty popular with his peers. Out of the three generations of our family, he’s the one with the most popularity in school. We are a family of nerds and geeks, and live vicariously through him.
He started daycare at 18 months. For the first few months, he was miserable there, then suddenly adjusted and started enjoying the daycare immensely. We had just come into the country, I was the only one working, so it was the cheapest daycare center we could find, and the only one in our area that accepted daycare vouchers from Welfare. You get the picture. The place was run by a very odd young man, who had inherited the family business from his father.
So, one day, I come to pick K9 up and his teacher starts a conversation. Turned out, her own daughter was in the same class and she had taken a liking to K9. The Mom was amused. She was telling me, “they hold hands! And at naptime, she pushes her cot next to his!” I was nodding and smiling. The principal was walking by, and decided to cut into the conversation.
He said to both of us, “You better watch it! You know how high the teen pregnancy rate is these days?”
Remember, both our kids are two years old, and that man is running a daycare. Or, was. Last I heard, they made him resign, due to multiple sexual harassments lawsuits filed against him.
The breakup came soon and was completely unexpected. One day, all potty-trained kids were transferred to a different class. K9’s girlfriend was potty-trained; he was not. So ended a beautiful friendship. K9 stayed single until his last year in preschool. This time, it was the prettiest girl in his class. Very good-looking. When I saw her Dad, I nearly fainted. He looked like a movie star.
We didn’t know there was anything going on, until one day, K9 came home from preschool and told my Mom:
“You know Grandma, I showed my wiener to a girl today”.
“’K’, that was very bad of you! You know you’re not supposed to do that!”
K9, almost in tears:
“But, Grandma! She made me do it!”
Naturally, Grandma was curious. Who wouldn’t be? So she sat down and had K9 tell her the whole story.
It happened at naptime. K9’s cot was next to the girl’s (see the pattern?) First, the girl showed K9 her privates and made him show his. Then, she touched K9, and told him to touch her. K9 flat out refused, but the girl insisted. K9 then made her promise that she wouldn’t pee in his hand. Then he touched her.
Grandma almost died laughing. Then I got home from work, and she told the story to me. Sure enough, I almost died laughing, too.
By the time K9’s brother came into the room, K9 felt a lot better about what had happened.
“’I’, I saw a girl’s wiener today! Guess what! She has a splitted wiener!”
Two weeks later, the girl broke up with K9, because he refused to give her a back rub during naptime. He said that they would both get in trouble if the teachers saw them. So she dumped him and started going out with his best friend. Imagine that!
In school, things have been relatively uneventful for K9. Every year, he developed a crush on someone, but nothing ever came out of it. In kindergarten, it was a girl who had one steady boyfriend and then a floating second one, meaning that she had a new second boyfriend every week. For one week, it was my son. He was in heaven. She actually asked him to marry her. Then next week, she acted like nothing had ever happened.
By second grade, some of K9’s classmates had girlfriends, and told him how they’d kissed and made out. K9 couldn’t get a girlfriend to save his life. He was devastated. He really wanted to be cool and popular, and, to be cool and popular, you had to have a girlfriend. Once on an outing, he met a 15-year-old boy. That guy was really popular in his school, and, how should I say that, not bad-looking at all. It was a case of instant hero-worship. K9 followed him like a puppy for the entire weekend, asking his advice about popularity and girlfriends. The guy told K9 that “you don’t really have to have a girlfriend in third grade”. That made K9 breathe easier for about three days, and then it was back to: “everybody has a girlfriend, and I don’t, what should I do, somebody help me”.
A few weeks ago, K9 found out that a girl in his class likes him. Two other girls told him about it. He came home so happy – “Finally! A chick likes me!” I asked him what he wanted to do about it. He had no idea. I suggested giving her a small gift, buying her a treat, or, just talking to her and being friends. I don’t think he’s done any of those yet. He’s afraid to death of talking to that girl. In truth, I am kind of happy about it. I’m in no rush to have him kissing and making out, you know!