Monday update: in a last-minute attempt to earn good karma, edited out the spoilers. More or less.
In 1998, my BFF George took me to see Titanic. I stoically suffered through three hours of sap and running water. The images haunted me for years.
In 2000, my children made me go see Pokemon Movie 2000. Not one brain cell was used in the production of that movie. It was unbearable. I held the grudge against my offspring for nearly eight years, and just recently started to forget.
Tonight, ChinchillaBoy and his friends had me take them to see Hancock. It was like Titanic and Pokemon Movie 2000 combined - sappy and dumb. Our local Free Times reviewer said it best when, in her review, she mentioned "random plot twists". This is exactly what the movie was all about. When you think it cannot get any worse, the main characters find out they're fated to be together - but, simultaneously, they're equally fated to be apart - for a number of reasons that are completely illogical, but, oh, so sentimental. OK, you say to yourself, now it's hit rock bottom. This is as bad as a movie can get. But just at that moment, you are presented with a Harry Potter-esque happy ending that makes you reach for a barf bag.
This movie makes Sex In The City look tough, yet it is geared towards a male audience. Speaking of, the theater was packed full with sweaty guys and smelled like a teenage boys' locker room, not that I've ever been in one. Also, in the audience, I heard a small child, like a toddler, WTF? Who brings a toddler to see an R rated movie full of explicit language and violence? Was it so good that the parents couldn't wait for the DVD? What am I missing?
In all fairness, I should take ChinchillaBoy to see Sex In The City or Mamma Mia: The Movie to make up for my pain and suffering. Since I am a pussy, though, we're going to see Get Smart instead.
On the bright side, no dogs were killed by Will Smith in this movie. Good job, Will!