Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Sunday School

"Hey CB," I said to my son last Sunday, "Has any of your Sunday school teachers ever told you: you guys are driving me freaking nuts?"

"Noooo," said the surprised CB.

"Oh great. Then I'm first," I lamented.

Seriously, I need advice from my teacher friends. What do you do when most of your class is interested in what you have to say, and actively contributing, but then two or three kids won't sit still, yell, run, and ruin it for the whole class?

I cannot give them a failing grade, there are none.

I cannot give them detention, there are none.

I cannot call their parents - their parents are on my buddy-buddy list.

I cannot hurt their feelings, because then Heaven forbid, they're not going to want to come back, and I'll get in trouble.

To be clear, I'm talking about fourth grade. I admit this is divine retribution in action. Both of my kids turned into ultimate smartasses as soon as they started fourth grade. I used to get calls from their teachers daily. Now I know how the poor teachers felt. But at least, they had leverage against my kids. I have nothing.

I had a kindergarten class last year. There was a boy that wouldn't sit still because he was bored. So I printed out mazes and puzzles off the Internet and brought them in for him to solve. That worked. Fourth grade is completely different. If I give a restless kid a piece of paper, he will rip it to shreds. Or make a paper airplane and hurl it across the room. (True story.)

This is starting to get on my nerves. Thankfully I have an experienced partner. But I'd like to teach some of the classes myself, as I have a lot to offer. It's hard, however, to offer anything serious when you have to talk loud enough to be heard over a hyper 10-year-old, and when you have to interrupt yourself every two minutes telling him to "sit down and shut up!" (c) Mrs. Crabtree of the South Park fame.

I know I've got a few teachers reading this. Advice?

The Goldie has spoken at 1:32 PM

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