Friday, February 24, 2006

This Is Classic… Literally

Is it just me or do these two essays sound like they were written by the same person? They got the same grade, too!


Ulysses was initially a peddler who recovered Achilles from a house and told him about the war. Ulysses arrived on a land disguised as a peddler and approached the palace. The palace’s gaurds liked to punish peddlers, but Ulysses was strong so they feared him. Ulysses entered the palace and showed his wares to the women. One of them took a sword he had and swung it in the air. Ulysses took off her disguise and it was Achilles, who strangled Ulysses. Ulysses explained that he was Ulysses and not a peddler. Ulysses was the voice of the Greek council in the battle. He tried to pursuade Agamemnon not to have the Greek army run away but failed and had to stop the army.


The Egyptians were an ancient race of Caucasians residing in one of the northern sections of Africa. The latter as we all know is the largest continent in the Eastern Hemisphere. The Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today for various reasons. Modern science would still like to know what the secret ingredients were that the Egyptians used when they wrapped up dead people so that their faces would not rot for innumerable centuries. This interesting riddle is still a challenge to modern science in the twentieth century.

As you have probably already guessed, the first masterpiece was written by my son, LilProgrammer. The teacher called me at work about this essay. And, as you probably know, the second essay ends with:

DEAR MR. SPENCER. That is all I know about the Egyptians. I can’t seem to get very interested in them although your lectures are very interesting. It is all right if you flunk me though as I am flunking everything else except English anyway. Respectfully yours, HOLDEN CAULFIELD.

Over the wekeend, I am supposed to help LilProgrammer rewrite this essay and three others, so he won't get an F. Lord help me.

The Goldie has spoken at 8:31 PM

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