Dear Family
My favorite grown-up, Cattiva, has posted an open letter to her family that is hysterical... and so true!
I'd like to add a few of my family's favorites, though:
When I'm in the bathroom with the door locked, thank you for slipping notes under the door. Nothing makes my day like a piece of entertaining bathroom reading such as "Mom, I'm starving, go make me some tea!" You know things can get really boring in there, and I'm glad you realize it and try to help out!
Thank you for your philantropy. When you leave your jacket at school, it may be by accident, but, when it's three different jackets in three days, well then I have no doubt you're just pretending to forget about them, and in reality you are donating them to the less fortunate. I also love the humility with which you state, "What do you mean I left my jacket at school? I've never even seen it!" But don't worry, your good deeds do not go unnoticed!
Thank you, my dear children, for the calls you give me at work. I think my coworkers are looking forward to your calls already, because, you know what? Our job is boring, and my conversations with you are a bigger hit than standup comedy here in the office! Remember the one when K9 called me and said: "Mom, since today is Mardi Gras, will you buy me a Wendy's meal?", and I said, "K9, this is not your Mardi Gras", and K9 said, "will you buy me a Wendy's meal if I read my Bible?" That one was a huge success! The audience just about died laughing!
Lastly...
Okay, sarcasm mode off - this is really funny. Mom and Dad, I'm sorry, but this is really, really hysterical. I'm talking about the important phone messages you give me when I get home from work. You know, the ones that go, "Somebody called today and asked for you, I said you weren't home, so the person mumbled something I didn't quite understand". Said in this deeply serious, worried voice, followed by a look saying, "Come on, call them back already!" Sorry, I don't know why they called and I don't have their number, so all I can do is cross my fingers and hope it was a telemarketer and not Bill Gates offering me a job! And no, I'm not upset about it, because I figure that if they need me badly enough, they'll call me back (unless, of course, it really was Bill Gates, in which case, well, it just wasn't meant to be!)
Thanks for everything, and I'm looking forward to a similar letter from you!
Love,
Mom
I'd like to add a few of my family's favorites, though:
When I'm in the bathroom with the door locked, thank you for slipping notes under the door. Nothing makes my day like a piece of entertaining bathroom reading such as "Mom, I'm starving, go make me some tea!" You know things can get really boring in there, and I'm glad you realize it and try to help out!
Thank you for your philantropy. When you leave your jacket at school, it may be by accident, but, when it's three different jackets in three days, well then I have no doubt you're just pretending to forget about them, and in reality you are donating them to the less fortunate. I also love the humility with which you state, "What do you mean I left my jacket at school? I've never even seen it!" But don't worry, your good deeds do not go unnoticed!
Thank you, my dear children, for the calls you give me at work. I think my coworkers are looking forward to your calls already, because, you know what? Our job is boring, and my conversations with you are a bigger hit than standup comedy here in the office! Remember the one when K9 called me and said: "Mom, since today is Mardi Gras, will you buy me a Wendy's meal?", and I said, "K9, this is not your Mardi Gras", and K9 said, "will you buy me a Wendy's meal if I read my Bible?" That one was a huge success! The audience just about died laughing!
Lastly...
Okay, sarcasm mode off - this is really funny. Mom and Dad, I'm sorry, but this is really, really hysterical. I'm talking about the important phone messages you give me when I get home from work. You know, the ones that go, "Somebody called today and asked for you, I said you weren't home, so the person mumbled something I didn't quite understand". Said in this deeply serious, worried voice, followed by a look saying, "Come on, call them back already!" Sorry, I don't know why they called and I don't have their number, so all I can do is cross my fingers and hope it was a telemarketer and not Bill Gates offering me a job! And no, I'm not upset about it, because I figure that if they need me badly enough, they'll call me back (unless, of course, it really was Bill Gates, in which case, well, it just wasn't meant to be!)
Thanks for everything, and I'm looking forward to a similar letter from you!
Love,
Mom
